Your tits are I can't wait for
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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