well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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