I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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