She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
