i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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