I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
