I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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