we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
