And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize