i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
