my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
