really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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