at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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