I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
