Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
