I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You pole danced in your parka.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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