Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
