Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
