They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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