Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
