My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
