that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All the doctor said was why
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize