I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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