I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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