Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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