Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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