This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
