I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
