Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
