If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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