I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
