So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
