I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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