would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
