Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
