Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
