You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
