I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize