Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
