Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
