I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
