i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
