Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
