This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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