I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
