Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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