dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't turn off my feet"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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