Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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