I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
