I could make wine with my vomit
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
