my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
