Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
