Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
