my vag is so smooth its legendary
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
