who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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