The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize