Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
