Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i out mim tonsoeep
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