And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
