i may or may not be watching the land before time
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize