Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
