I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
