He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize