Porn is love you can see.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
