The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
