Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
