I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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