you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
