i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
