If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
