i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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