Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
