and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
