I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
