remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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