i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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