I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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