I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
