So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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