OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
